The Baby Cycle - May 2, 2007
While my friends were beginning to explore alcohol and the party scene, I was at home rocking a crying baby, and listening to "Loveline" for advice on how not to grow up crazy. In the seemingly never-ending series of cries, the whining voice of Adam Carolla and the guffaw of Dr. Drew was my only assurance that there were in fact, other rational people in the universe other than myself.
All in all, I think I took to brotherhood more naturally than could have been expected. I did not become angry at baby Karen when she cried, and realized she was not messing her diapers to spite me.
I watched Karen's tiny lips part, as she emitted small murmurs that were the predecessors of speech. I held her fragile hands as her chubby legs marched around the room, kicking the air and stomping the ground with every primitive step. She grew, under my watchful smile, until she finally learned to speak and my mother became pregnant again.
I repeated the previous process, this time with fewer mistakes than before. I had become an adept. As a teenaged boy I was a better mother than the Harpies on "The View." When Jacob came it was the most natural thing in the world. He was my little brother and Karen was my little sister. I loved him just as I loved her. Though I never had friends or after-school activities, I had the children and that was more than enough.
The selfishness of childhood washed away. I learned to see the entire world in terms of how it affected children. Never before, it seemed, had there simultaneously been so many strollers and so many imminent dangers. Society became more concrete than just some loose ideological term discussed in class. Society became the very fascinating piece of machinery instituted by men to produce and raise other tiny men, so that those tiny men could one day institute it again.
I took my responsibilities very seriously. When the children asked me to demonstrate something, I always made sure to take my time and explain every aspect in slow, crystalline terms. When they found themselves in sudden danger, I dove in like Superman to untangle their problems. When asked the why of anything, I strove to find and answer.
Once, during the last few months before she became potty-trained, I was changing Karen's diaper. Jacob ran up beside me, wanting to play. It was the first time he had ever walked in on me changing Karen's diaper. He had been speaking for almost a year and wanted to know the why of everything. His head loomed up over the edge of the bed. His eyebrows rose halfway up his forehead, concerned.
Jacob's eyes looked to me. They looked to Karen. Never before had he been so fundamentally mystified. "BC?" he asked.
I smiled. I had been expecting to have this conversation with him for some time. The day had finally come. "Yes, Jacob. Ask your question."
His chin fell to the top of the mattress, and he sighed like a tired porch hound. "BC, why is Karen's butt-crack so long?" As I said before, I took the job of child-rearing very seriously... however, it made me laugh a lot too.
Posted by BC Woods at 12:00 AM
Print Friendly · Digg it · del.icio.us · StumbleUpon · Netscape
Comment Policy:
Anonymous comments are allowed. All anonymous comments and comments from those not registered with TypeKey are moderated. They WILL NOT appear until they are read and approved by a moderator.
It is strongly encouraged that you sign up and login with a TypeKey account. Once you do that, your comments will be immediately posted.
Comments
Aww, they sound so cute. It's a wonder that Rachel hasn't tried to eat them.
Posted by: Cori ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.daddydonthitme.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at May 2, 2007 12:39 AM
Well? Some of use are still waiting for the answer. Why was it so long?
Posted by: Eric at May 2, 2007 01:00 AM
I saw the question coming before I read the end of the story, but never did I expect it in such descriptive terms... heh. Well written.
Posted by: Anonymous at May 2, 2007 01:11 AM
This makes me excited for when my girlfriend and I get married and have kids.
Posted by: Cameron at May 2, 2007 02:39 AM
Did you tell him it was because she fell on an axe?
Posted by: BigChops at May 2, 2007 11:20 AM
Dude I've got to give you serious props for taking on the job of two little ones. I've done the single dad job for two years now, getting full custody of three kids after the divorce. It takes a good soul to do this and put their lives before your own. Big props!!
Posted by: Anonymous at May 2, 2007 12:05 PM
Awwww!
Posted by: Ashley Squared at May 2, 2007 06:05 PM
All this philanthropy and you still can't get a blowjob. The world is a messed up place.
Posted by: Nick at May 2, 2007 07:20 PM
I guess that makes more things you and I have in common. I too had to wipe poo stained butts and make sure they did their homework.
Posted by: Edward at May 2, 2007 08:25 PM
"BC, why is Karen's butt-crack so long?"
Awwwwwwww..... so cute!
This is awesome. More stories about your little siblings!
Posted by: GLC at May 2, 2007 09:26 PM
That special forces thing brings up the image of a man in camoflague gear, and a bandolier with milk bottles strapped to it, a rucksack full of nappies and in hand, a lolly dispensing machine.
Posted by: Bully at May 2, 2007 09:29 PM
BC, you could not possibly be any more awesome. I still mean what I said in that anonymous green dot long ago...you know which one I'm talking about.
Posted by: phishey at May 2, 2007 10:21 PM
Dude, Loveline is Awesome I Have been listening to it since I was 12
Posted by: Brian at May 9, 2007 01:37 PM
Where the hell was your Mom at? Why were you appointed to the role of Mom? I give mad props to you.
Posted by: Anonymous at June 8, 2007 01:36 PM
BC, You're stories are awesome. I love every one better than the next.
Posted by: Walkie at August 21, 2007 10:31 PM
Post a comment
